Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
