I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
