You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
