Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
