i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
