So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
