Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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