Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
