im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
