remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The Olympian is in my bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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