I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
