you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
