So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
