Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
