One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
