Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
