Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
