come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
