YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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