You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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