so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
