god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
