We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
