You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
