My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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