I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
