He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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