I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
