I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have feelings that need drinking.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
