Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
