he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
