the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
