She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
