Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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