i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
