im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
