I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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