12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
