Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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