i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
