I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
