Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
