First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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