That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
