I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
