I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
