so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
