fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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