I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
