I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
